The year was 2016, I was Directing and Producing two(2) T.V. shows (one in development), launched my very own brand, HerSTYLS, and was doing my very own stylized photoshoots. ‘Amit Productions’, a production business I started from scratch, was a dream come true!

Everything was looking up!

Then, it all came to a grinding halt. I ceased production on everything, T.V. shows, photoshoots, etc. and put HerSTYLS on pause indefinitely.

On the surface, it all seemed well, but behind the scenes, I was overworked and being exploited in several ways. It was a case of one person doing everything for a group project scenario, except for a business, while they took credit for work they didn’t do.

Seeing what was taking place, I went into a sort of unplanned break from everything. It was an exhausting experience, to say the least, I had unknowingly gained a bunch of “leeches” along the way and needed to shake things off, for fear of crashing if I continued along this path.

Sure these were my brands and ventures, but I made the grave mistake of depending on a lot of people who claimed to want to join me but talked more than they contributed. The grand visions I had, required multiple hands on deck.

In this state of contemplation, I was forced to think long and hard about what I loved to do. Sure, movies & storytelling were my inspiration for Amit Productions, and I loved doing it, but along the way, my vision got muddied by the people surrounding me.

I was not in a place I planned to be and needed to regain control of my destiny.

Some might say I was in a state of depression, and maybe I was to an extent because I felt I failed, however, I wasn’t as depressed as I was in early 2014 when I reached “rock bottom”. That experience taught me to never allow myself to reach that low ever again.

In my state of seclusion, which is now called “Monk Mode”, I questioned everything.

At one point I was seriously going to give up on all my dreams and aspirations to finally go live a “normal life”. Get an eight-to-four job with a monthly salary, maybe find a stable companion, rather than the flurry of relationships I previously had, have two pets, go for a trip once a year… y’know a “normal person’s life”, something I don’t think I’ve experienced before.

It’s in this state you truly know who supports you and who’s just blowing smoke “up your ass”.

While I’ve always wanted to direct more short-films and have my own production studio, possibly even do a theatrical movie one day, I realised those dreams would have to wait till I figured out a sort of stable path to achieve it.

All my savings were drained. I gambled big and lost… but I wasn’t out of the game yet.

I soon realised, though I always dreamed of movie-making, I was equally passionate about Internet Ventures.

I created and launched before Amit Productions was even a thought. I made no money thus far, so it was more of a hobby rather than a business. An expensive hobby nonetheless, but a dream I didn’t put my full focus on for some time.

Long before facebook and twitter, blogs ruled the earth. Something I religiously read. GigaOm, Cnet, Macworld, TechCrunch and my favorite at the time, Engadget were my daily escape. I was merely a graphic designer by profession back then, yet those articles on “startups” always intrigued me.

I was fortunate to experience the internet before YouTube, Social Media and Apps controlled everything. I witnessed the progression of platforms and learned about the success and failures of each venture. Unknowingly back then I was almost preparing myself for this ultimate progression in my life.

This is what inspired and drove me to create & back in 2011. So I looked at my beloved Trinispace, and although I paused plans for some years, I felt it was time to give it a go again. This time with all my focus.

I don’t focus my energy fully into something unless I absolutley love doing it and I loved doing Trinispace, but got distracted with Amit Productions.

Looking back, the rise and fall of Amit Productions was necessary for the evolution of Trinispace. The knowledge and experience I gained from that time period was priceless. I basically learned all sides of running a modern and innovative business and it gave me an incredible amount of confidence to pursue Trinispace now, the way I originally envisioned it.

I also felt the people in my country had grown more receptive to local online platforms now, than back then. The entertainment industry here was and still is, lacking in creative and ambitious ventures. Much less to say for the internet industry which felt almost non-existent or sparse.

Every now and again someone would try to release an internet brand, only to fade away completely a year later or less. Local people simply didn’t get it. It felt like everyone was just getting high off M. Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs and J. Bezos stories without fully understanding what it takes.

There was no real innovative internet company in our country who wanted to change things.

Only a bunch of lucky or one-off platforms who didn’t know what they had until it became popular due to lack of options or those who treated it like a brick-and-mortar business, just online.

My venture would be the first of its kind. With all the knowledge I gained from my “failures” and misfires, I felt like I was ready to tackle this mountain everyone tried to trek but gave up at the foot.

So I shifted all my plans, changed my timelines, reconstructed my methods and began to work on the new “Trinispace v2”, which is where I’m currently at and could not have been happier. It finally feels right.

My downfall became my upliftment.

I’m grateful for the painful lessons of Amit Productions and I feel a lesser person would have quit and lived that “normal” life.

The thing is, I’m more afraid of mediocrity than failure. A normal life is like a jail sentence to me. If I stifle myself because of a few missteps, I would be as if I was cheating myself of “air”. I breathe creating and venturing. The thought of the unknown excites me.

I’ve surrounded myself with what feels like the right people, and this time around I feel like there’s no turning back or going down contemplation road again.

Whether I “fail” or not is yet to be determined and honestly totally irrelevant to me. I want to live a life knowing at least I tried!