As I embark on my biggest project yet, one which I’m solely responsible for, I can’t help but have a great sense of doubt, more so, fear of mediocrity, fear of it “just being like something else”. I lack some motivation as the time grows nearer to its release, feeling a sense of abandoning it, and crawling back into my irregularly paced lifestyle.

I write this in hopes of convincing myself like a madman, to continue my delusional attitude, that I could somehow make a difference to society.

I’m restless at times, lost even, and feel guilty for it. Like I should be doing more. Something I may be missing or overlooking in the 11th hour.

A great deal of time, money, preparation and sacrifice(I have opted to eating less food, in order to save money, something I learnt from being flat “brokes” last year) has gone into this project, since it’s very personal to me, yet I feel somewhat lost. I feel so ill prepared and exposed.

My vision was clear several months ago, but now it seems somewhat obscured right now.

Spawning as an idea to solve an ever growing problem happening in homes across the world, something that I have unfortunately experienced personally, which makes it even more crucial I do not fail.

That which I speak of, is an unhappy woman in a household. Not just someone who’s unhappy for a day, or for a month, of for a year, but someone who regardless of what life has to offer, negativity always consumes them. Someone who’s mentally struggling to cope with life, becomes an adult and chooses to inflict the same pain she has experienced, onto others because that’s all she knows. She has grown up all her life knowing that happiness is either a far fetched concept, or it can be stolen away very easily. So she “puts on a face”, fools everyone into thinking she’s someone else, someone happy, someone content, someone who could be trusted.

It’s a sad state for a woman to be in. It really is no fault of hers, but ultimately, we all have a choice to change, to see the greater good and make our lives happier by simply being true to ourselves once we become adults.

Unfortunately, not all has this insight, nor willpower to make such a change. Some become so accustomed to being who they are, they don’t see a need for change, regardless of continuous pain and sadness. They sometimes expect someone else or something to bring them happiness. Some ex machina moment to swoop in and save the day! Or dare I say the traditional, knight in shining armour to come in riding on a horse. I know some feminists might be offended by that statement there.

The reality is, life is real. We can only depend on ourselves for happiness, and we should. It’s not an easy task, nor is it permanent once achieved in this lifetime. Life is filled with disappointment, but it is also filled with joy. Whichever you choose to focus on is your choice to make.

I have noticed in my life, that women want to be recognized, want to be identified, want to be part of something great and want to have meaning or purpose in their life. What is it that makes them yearn for it more than men, I cannot say. That of course is a generalisation, and not meant for every single one.

Of lately, I notice a lot of women doing crazy things to gain recognition and attraction. What seems to be making big strides in the public’s eye lately are the glamorisation of the feminine’s body. While nothing is wrong with that, it seems to be pushed very far off field into questionable territory.

It feels as though the Princess Dianas have been replaced by the Marilyn Monroes. And the Marilyn Monroes replaced with the Betty Paiges.

While none should be considered less than the other, a balance needs to be present. Younger, more impressionable minds need options to nurture them into who they are to become. If they are bludgeoned with just sex symbols constantly, what will they grow to become? Boys will turn into sex-hungry-monger men and girls will turn into sex symbolic women to appease the previously mentioned men.

So why not live and let be? Let some other higher authority or more qualified entity make the necessary adjustments to society, just save myself such trouble and hardships to come. Well my belief is, it’s that same mentality which has brought us to this very point.

The project may come across to most as just another money making business, another exploitation ploy on women, or a way of gaining attention in the industry. While I would waste no effort in trying to disprove those viewpoints, I sure hope it doesn’t become us.

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